Not about politics
It may not be accurate, but it feels like men and women develop friendships differently.  Neither my wife nor I grew up in Akron, but she has had a best friend here for years and I envy that about them both. They talk often and intensively, on the phone and in person.  It could be me; I may not get it.  Maybe it is likely that it is just me.  But my best friends take time to develop and it is not talking time or phone time, but present-and-active time. Doin’ stuff time.  It is time we spend shooting hoops, playing volleyball or golf, drinking beer, watching the Buckeyes, or puzzling through how to deal with water in our basements. 

To even write this is to violate my own pattern and feels unlike me, but I am writing because the guy I call to watch games, to play ball, to get a beer…it looks like he is leaving town.  Suddenly I am feeling the downside of leaving my home town to live in China, Hungary, Seattle, Amherst and now Akron. There is no fall back plan, at least not today.  My wife is out of town for a few days and there is no one I can call to watch March Madness.   That’s not right.  Also likely my own fault; maybe I just do not know how to make friends.  Why is it that I seem to need to spend thousands of hours just doing shit with a friend to become close, to trust and care? 

The guy leaving town is smart and a great athlete.  He is funny and, what I like best, is that he is relaxed and serious, intense without being an arrogant know-it-all prick.  I cannot speak for him, and I am happy for his new opportunities, but I always look forward to hanging out with him because it is both easy and not a waste of time.  Him leaving sucks, but what is really hitting me is the void left in my life.  Sure, I can call this or that guy, but it would feel weird, be unusual, and as a result I watched Ohio State beat Syracuse on my own tonight. 

In high school we had a group and we were inseparable.  In college, the same.  Then in Beijing, and Xian, and Seattle for graduate school.  We did exciting shit together, and a lot of dull stuff too.  That was what we built our relationship on.  My rootlessness has meant I have met many different types of people, been a member of many different types of communities, experienced and learned things I could not have imagined in high school, but it has also meant that relationships have atrophied when I move on.  As Neil Young put it…

One of these days,
I'm gonna sit down and write a long letter
To all the good friends I've known
And I'm gonna try And thank them all for the good times together.
Though so apart we've grown.