Richard Rohr and Conflict Management
Richard Rohr Today: If God is “crucified flesh” for Paul, and that is what he has fallen in love with, then everything is a disguise: weakness is really strength, wisdom is really foolishness, death is really life, matter is really spirit, religion is often slavery, and sin itself is actually the trap door into salvation. People must recognize what a revolutionary thinker Paul was with such teachings as these; and we made him into a mere moralistic churchman.

So the truth lies neither in the total affirmation nor in the total denial of either side of things, but precisely in the tug of war between the two. Hold on to that, and you will become wise and even holy. But be prepared to displease those on either entrenched side.

"The truth lies in the tug of war."  Hold on to the tug of war.  "But be prepared to displease those on either entrenched side."  This sounds like a more productive way to live and approach the conflicts and challenges in our lives.  It feels like a spiritual way to describe the attitude we need to bring to democratic deliberation:  engage with love, always be prepared to struggle with paradox because the usual either/or thinking is a simplistic sounding trap that is more familiar than productive, more about avoiding questions than seriously addressing them. 

My struggle is to do this—hold on to the tug of war—without letting anger, impatience, isolation or self-righteousness cloud my judgment and spoil my relationships.  Holding onto the tug of war is not, itself, wisdom.  It is a path, an approach, an attitude, a habit of the heart.  And when we succeed at doing this we can feel isolated, because almost by definition we do not fit in (on either side anyway).  We do not fit into the usual categories that most people use to label folks.  We cannot rely on the arsenal of sound-bites on either side, because these are (designed to be) traps. 

Sound-bites are quick and easy; without them it takes longer and requires more thinking and listening and engagement.  It takes longer, just as Billie Holiday noted that 'the difficulty I can do right now, the impossible will take a little while.'  But feeling isolated, and without words, because we are holding on to the tug of war, also feels frustrating and can easily lead to impatient self-righteousness.  However, while that can feel like part of holding onto the tug of war, it is really casting the tug of war aside and screaming 'listen to me and come to my side.'  This is another reason to keep in mind that 'every conversation is sacred,’ because that attitude is a tributary back to the central path of holding onto the tug of war, which is propelled by routinely engaging with love, as a habit of the heart.