Compromise is Everything
Talking with relatives, especially new in-laws, who see the world differently that I do is always a challenge, though one I increasingly welcome.

Unexpected questions or comments are commonplace, usually in the form of either the same tired sound bites that have been fact-checked repeatedly or in the form of really smart and interesting ideas I have not thought of because I was missing something.

In general—keeping in mind that these exchanges occur in context, while sharing beers and overeating, playing cards and watching baseball—the best responses will:

1.      Start with some form of ‘fair point…, but have you considered…’

2.      Speak to and with the person who just spoke, rather than repeat what I have said before

3.      Express disagreement as recognizing an open question, where I could be wrong

Pope Francis is living within these conversations as he tried to remind a right wing Catholic hierarchy about Vatican II.  And he is a role model of both communication and perspective.  Today the Pope called for the church to rethink sexual orientation.

A colleague of many years whom I respect deeply, John Green, similarly walked this fine line, demonstrating how to disagree without being disagreeable.  This is a skill I rejected as selling out when I was a student (most of my life), but now recognize as one of the most important pillars upon which democracy is built.

John Green and co-author remind us that Ray Bliss said “everything is compromise.”