Being Present is a Gift
Struggling lately with trying to figure out why a co-worker seems hellbent on undermining what our unit is trying to accomplish. Considered asking another trusted co-worker, because she understands how to work things like this out. Then, it occurred to me that I do too. In fact, my inclination to ask this co-worker is the indicator.

Reflecting for a moment on what this second co-worker does so well it became clear that (1) I was mistakenly looking for a 'solution' as in one thing I could do or say that would fix this and make the situation go away, when what this second co-worker does so well is the opposite. She (2) 'manages' situations like this be being present, each day, rather than seeking a 'solution' that will make the situation go away.

The particular situation with the first co-worker is one where my approach had been to leave her be, let her do what she wants. I convinced myself that this was me trusting her, when, in fact it was me justifying to myself that I did not need to be present, did not need to walk over and talk with her and puzzle through situations with her, but instead to leave it to her. And then be frustrated when her decisions seemed to pull us in a different direction...then me leaping to interpreting this as undermining us. In fact, I was undermining us by not being present up to this point.

There is no solution other than to abandon the goal of one solution and, instead, to re-think this as an ongoing relationship, required me and my co-workers to be fully present, together.

So, being present is not just active listening when I am in the room. It is also putting down this or that task to walk across the room or campus to be personally present as a co-problem solver, rolling up my sleeves and asking questions (rather than jumping to conclusions) I hope will guide us to both more productively address the problem at hand AND invest in relationships so we can prevent or better resolve other problems in the future as well.

The problem has been me. It took me reflecting on what it is that this second co-worker does so well that made me confident she would be able to help me find a 'solution' for me to see this.

Ouch. Being present is a gift to ourselves, an internal solution to the drive for one solution.