Seize the Day
Read a great short piece in the Times this morning. 

“I’m constantly aware of lost opportunities. I used to think such lost opportunities were beautiful towns flashing by my train windows, but now I imagine they are lanterns from the past, casting light on what’s ahead. 

This line put me back on the countless trains I rode in my first two years in China, where I would stare out the window at the passing farm land, mountains, small villages or waterways with something like this sense of awe at the vast opportunities. 

Each farmer pausing in his field to watch the train could be me or I might marry his daughter and somehow end up living in that space, working on that barge, getting a bai jiu after work at that factory.

And like the essay, these images were filled with both possibilities and sadness.  I would never know that farmer or his daughter.  My hands would never look like his or the factory workers’ or the barge captains.  Was I simply a passive observer in my own life?  What was I going to do?  Where would I go? 

Thinking of these as also lanterns from the past, part of me that makes me who I am today, part of my internal compass, feels right and honest. 

I am reminded to be fully present in the moment, to not let go of these past images and experiences but to embrace them as scaffolding upon which I might become the best me I can be today, loving eating each meal with my wife and sons and dog. 

As a boy

I was angry and afraid

today hoping to protect my sons

from their fears

until they are old enough

to hold in the tears